you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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