Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
