this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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