working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize