Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
