speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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