Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
