Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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