I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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