I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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