Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
