Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize