Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
