The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
