You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
