i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
