girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
