But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
