i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
