Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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