The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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