He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am naked and annoyed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
