my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
