My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
