Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
