OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
