I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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