If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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