I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
how does that bad decision feel?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
