We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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