Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
