I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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