party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry about my life...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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