dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize