I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
