Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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