woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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