I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
