that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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