i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
