They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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