My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize