laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize