Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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