i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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