as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
