Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
