You smell like stripper and shame
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
