I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
