if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
