i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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