i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
