You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize