I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
