Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
