i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
