just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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