I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
