i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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