he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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