She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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