He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
