remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize