She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
