I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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