i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
