please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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