The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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